Chemo cancelled

This week I went in to get the first chemo in my second cycle of the chemo protocol that I am on. However, my white blood cell count was too low. Also, my potassium was low so they gave me a 2.5 hour IV drip of potassium to sort that out. They didn't do anything yet about the white blood cells. It's possible to get a shot that will quickly raise the counts and I did that shot during my first round of chemo last year, but for some reason she decided to not prescribe that for me this time.

This means that I haven't had any chemo in over 2 weeks and I think that my cancer is growing again. There are two new spots. One that is just below my scar an another little spot that is on the top of my boob and looks like a bug bite. My nipple is also still sore.

In general, once someone is stage 4, like I am, they don't talk about doing surgery unless it makes the patient more comfortable or the tumor is particularly large so at this point we aren't talking about any surgery.

This past weekend I went to the coast with the AFRU crew, which was fantastic. They brought the party to me when I was lethargic and I enjoyed some time around a fire on the beach.

Also, my mom was in town for almost 2 weeks and while she spent much of her time going through her things to figure out what to send on to Michigan we also enjoyed several nights of catching up and watching movies. She also helped to brighten up my new place by painting my dance room and my dinning room white. There will be more painting to come. Although, it might be nice to keep the back living room dark an improve it's theater like qualities.

My nipple is falling off

Well, not the whole nipple but big chunks of scabby skin are falling off, so it seems like it. It is incredible to have cancer on the outside where you can see the effects of chemo. My scan didn't say how big my internal lymph nodes were from the cancer inside of them but it is crazy to think about how my body has to get rid of the cell die off that is happening there from the chemo as well. My chest where those nodes are is still really sore and painful, but hopefully the same thing is happening there that is happening on my nipple and my system will dispose of the dead cancer waste and the pain will go away. My doctor expects that I'll feel quite a lot better within another couple weeks.

I missed dance class this week because of poor planning. I was supposed to change my pain patch in the morning but forgot to and by the evening when I finally realized what was going on I felt pretty crappy. My mom is in town so we got Thai take out and watched movies instead, which was lovely. (except that the Thai place closest to my house has terrible tom ka soup - I'm trying the place further down the road next time)

I've started to miss work. My plan is to go back on at least a limited basis once I'm off the narcotics. Speaking of narcotics. I am REALLY missing drinking hard cider. I'm happy that this chemo doesn't make things taste terrible like my last chemo did so that will be another thing that I'll get to enjoy once I'm off the narcs. I got to say hello to some of my favorite coworkers last week when I stuck my head it their favorite watering hole. I'll probably try to make an office visit this week or next.

This past weekend I wore my new elf ears. They were super easy to put on and also comfortable to wear.

2nd Chemo

Today was my second chemo. I'm on a 3 week cycle where I get gemzar and carboplatin together on week 1, just gemzar on week 2 and then I get a week off. So, yesterday was just gemzar, which seemed to have fewer side effects then when I did the two drugs together.

The nurse made an absolute bloody mess putting in my IV but was it was strangely super gentle. However, the amount of blood that was all over everything started to make me a little woozy. This is after she started cleanup:

I'm still on the heavy narcotics for pain where my chest tumor is but there does seem to be a response to the chemo (mostly noticed on my nipple) so hopefully I'll be able to reduce that soon. I've been playing with marijuana a little, too, to help with pain, nausea and appetite. I have unintentionally lost over 10 pounds.

My sister was here for a long weekend, which was great. She helped me pull off a successful housewarming party.

I danced with Scarlet Thistle for the ATS world flashmob on Saturday at Multnomah falls. It was a beautiful and drizzly day and I had a great time dancing.

Biopsy Results

The results are in - the nipple is cancerous.

That means that I start chemo tomorrow. I'll be on a cocktail that is different than what I was on before so it's likely that I won't lose my hair and it should be, in general, much easier to tolerate. This is a regime that they sometimes keep people on for a year or more. Whoa.

Logically this shouldn't be significantly worse than the spread that I already knew about to distant lymph nodes but it's really hard to have more added on so quickly after being diagnosed. Emotions aren't always logical.

The doctor is happy that she has some tissue that will be easy to monitor to see how I respond to treatments and is also glad that she could get a biopsy because it would have been very difficult to biopsy the lymph nodes in my sternum. I love how she gave me the hard news and then very quickly shifted to get down to the business of treatment. She promised that I'll feel better within a month.

I went to dance class last night and it felt good to move my body. We'll be doing a flashmob this weekend at Multnomah Falls, which I am really looking forward to.

Biopsy Quicky

The doctor who performed my biopsy said that a skin punch was much less painful then the core needle sample that I had last time. Whoa man was she wrong. She injected something to numb me up but about 3/4 through her doing the punch we found out that something that should have been numb was not. I jerked and yelped and she jumped as well, but then it was done. Then I made the big mistake of looking at the little hole in my nipple. I got woozy, sweaty and then tossed my cookies. Oops. No more looking. She gave me a couple of stitches and after much worrying about my woozy episode, taking my blood pressure to make sure that I had recovered, she sent me on my way.

The Radiation Oncologist seemed certain that my nipple was cancering but the surgeon estimated a 50% chance or so. I should get the results on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Afterward I bartended at AFRU for a quick shift. It was nice to get out and be social since I have been a hermit all week.

Nipple

Showing my breasts and talking about boobs, nipples and poop now all seem like normal everyday conversation to me. I almost pulled my shirt down at dinner the other night to show off my crusty red and bumpy nipple but caught myself. I do that so often with treatments and doctor visits for so many different people that it now feels socially acceptable.

That nipple has been giving me trouble for almost 2 weeks now and while they thought it was not something to worry about at first they then decided to be very worried about it. Now it seems to be improving. They are doing a biopsy tomorrow so I should know for sure by early next week if it is cancerous or not.

When the radiation oncologist decided that my nipple was cancerous she decided to up my radiation treatments to twice a day. That totally wiped me out. I am now done with treatment but I have been sleeping an absolutely ridiculous amount. My cats love it. The last time I did radiation it took months to recover, but that was 60 treatments and this time was only 10 treatments so hopefully the recovery is faster.

Yesterday I had my first float in a sensory deprivation chamber. It was awesome and both relaxing and stimulating. I went in and out of consciousness and had dreams about my future. My muscles relaxed, although I think that next time will be better. I still had some worry that my head would go under and I jumped at every weird sound I heard. I bought a starter 3 pack of floats. Tomorrow I get acupuncture.