Change

My current chemo regime is not working. The cancer is stable right after I get the chemo but during the break that is needed as part of this regime my cancer has too much time to grow back. I have been very emotional this week about it. Also, it means that the pain in my sternum is back. Boo!

I go to see my oncologist tomorrow to figure out what is next. Hopefully we can get another treatment going right away because the skin on my nipple is pissed and I'm in pain.

Today I realized that I will get better. There is a drug out there that my cancer will respond to. Hopefully there are many drugs. I know that there is currently no cure but I also know that I am not going to die from this soon. I have been connecting with other women who have stage 4 cancer and I have learned a lot. When one drug stops working on your cancer you move on to the next drug, which I knew already. What I didn't realize is just how many options are out there. I read about a woman who is about to start her 21st drug. Failing my first drug stopped feeling like a big issue.

Even with the increase in pain and thus an increase in pain killers I am full of energy. I'm not sure what wiped me out before. It could have been the radiation or it could be that I have adjusted to the drugs I'm on.

Last week I made it to dance class, but this week I did not. Even though I missed class this week I was able to practice at home. I missed class because I was struggling with dressing the wound on my boob, I was low on stamina and I wasn't medicating enough for my pain.

I figured out that I needed to use a wound dressing instead of gause a week or two ago to cover the wound on my nipple but I still didn't have a great way to keep the dressings on. Tape is uncomfortable. I only had 1 bra that works OK and one that works, but is too tight to be comfortable on my skin mets (breast cancer on my skin) below my boob. I purchased a new very stretchy bra and also realized that one of my bikini tops is very comfortable. I thought that the ties in the back of the bikini would be uncomfortable when I laid down but that wasn't a problem at all. I even wore it to sleep one night and it worked great.

Vanessa gave me a big overstuffed chair and I have created a little reading area in my back room. (I'm not sure what to call this room - 2nd kitchen? mud room?) This room gets a ton of sun so it's a nice place to read or hang out during the day. Marcel is a big fan of the new chair as well.

Melanie trimmed up the back of my hair to keep me from having a mullet.